Drip Drop

So I’m doing this cause I’m procrastinating on an essay I should be writing. I hope it’s scary! Enjoy.

Drip Drop

A spot landed in the middle of my pot. It was red. I looked to the ceiling and saw the filthy air vent. Before I can cook, I must clean this ooze. It was continued to drip from the vent. I gathered a step-stool, screwdriver, cleaner and towels. My supplies on the counter, I climbed the stool. I unscrewed every screw, removing the cover. A chilling scream escaped my lips. Falling backward, I left my body. What had I seen? A severed head fresh and bloody. Blood pooled and slowly leaving. Drop by drop my blood left too. Drip. Drop.

The Real Deal

Ok so again so late on posting this, but I think the only one reading these is me and I only read them when I’m writing them.

So this post is dedicated to my spring break. My first ever, official, college spring break. I mean this was the real deal and nothing like the movies. I never got drunk(I did have a triple shot macchiato at 9pm so that felt about the same). Did not go to a beach. Did not get a tan; I live in the great Pacific North West after all. I did not do anything mischievous. What did I do? Well, I went to Seattle, I got to see the amazing Sarah Scribbles, I got to work (My job is fun.), I went on a three day camping adventure, I got to go to a fun dinner party, AND I got to learn how shitty people actually are, you again for the twelve-hudredth time (That is a hyperbole but you get the point.).

So let’s break those down. All in all I would say it was a successful spring breaks and I learned a lot about what I would do differently next time. Going to Seattle was awesome I got to spend two days and a half day. It was not near long enough I wish I had spent at least half my spring break there if not all of it. However, while I was in Seattle I got to see a fun parade and had minimal awkward encounters with the houseless population all in all a ten out of ten visit something I would definitely do again. What would I not do again? I would not ever again stay at my old university (even though this time around it was free instead of $8,000). It was super emotional and true to form I cried myself to sleep every night I spent there. These tears were brought on by the people who I had considered still my friends. They strongly showed me that was not the case and my impressions of that were false. The one friend I do still have there has planned our next spring break trip and we will most definitely be going to Vancouver B.C. next year (fingers crossed anyway.).

The next adventure was Sarah Scribbles; she’s absolutely adorable. The most adorable human ever. I could not believe it I felt so awkward and was definitely starstruck. She even cemented that yes blogging is a crazy idea but you should do it.

I worked. It was fun.

The camping trip was awesome definitely what i needed after after spending so much time in the big cities on the PNW. I went to a national park west of Portland, and attempted to hike all their trail. I only got eight miles of trail done in the short time I was there but each trail was different and had its own special atmosphere. I did not go technology free, literally texting and using snapchat the whole time, which when I go camping again I will not do. However, I will still take hundreds of pictures of every flower I see and scramble to try and take photographs of the numerous animals that run before I can even get my phone unlocked. I would go camping again, but for the next tent site I think I would choose to be by the beach though. I camped there two years ago so I feel overdue for some ocean breezes.

Because I took so many pictures during spring break I am going to share one with you! How exciting! I hope you like them and if you like the post great! I’m glad I cloud provide you with some entertainment.

I’ll catch you on the flip side!

Emmy

For the “Dumb Bitches” in the Back

TW: This post has mention of sexual assault, and just terrible internet behavior so read with caution.

Ah yes, naming calling the most productive way to try and shame those around you. My most recent bout occurred in forum I thought of as a “safe space.” The topic of discussion was sexual assault and harassment. Fun and lighthearted I know. In the discussion I brought up I am unsure of how to frame my assault. I personally do not consider it rape, but there are plenty of people who would. Upon expressing this, and explaining what occurred in my case I received this response: “oh yeh rape is fun. Dumb bitch go kill yourself.”

This comment lead to my immediate exit of the forum(I’ll never return, BYE FELICIA) and stirred quite a few emotions. While I sat on the bus on the verge of tears I got to thinking. You know, I’m way smarter than them. One day I’ll make more money than them. I have much more empathy than them. Jeez, so glad I have compassion for other human beings how could I love anyone if I did not? Could that person really love anyone with compassion and understanding? Could they have a fulfilling relationship?

I also starting thinking about what it must mean to be able to tell someone they should kill themselves. It takes a lot of gall that’s for sure, but it takes a huge lack in understanding, compassion and empathy. If you are able to suggest something so terrible something else is not adding up. Something is missing from the puzzle, whether that be experience, a general kindness or lack of knowledge I cannot say. However, I can say if you are unable to tell someone something that terrible you are 100% more woke than most of the human populous, and I have got mad respect for you. Same thing goes for if some dingbat on the internet or anywhere has told you you should kill yourself. Because recovering from that takes about twice as much gall as it takes to say it to someone.

You are awesome for doing it.

It is definitely not something I used to be able to do. When I was younger a comment like that would send me into a crying fit until 3:00 am at least. This also reopened for the bigger conversation surrounding this kind of violence. the kind that often affects the young and inexperienced much more often and severely than it affects other demographics. Time’s not up (I’ll get a lot of heat for saying that). I have never named a single harasser or abuser and there have been plenty. I also know I am not the only one. I am not the only whose scared to admit it happened. People who would rather shame than accept, are the reason I won’t verbalize it. I’m sure other women, men, and non-conformers have their own reasons, but there’s still the issue that some of us still feel silenced or scared to admit it happened. I know another personal issue for me is feeling weak. Because it happened I must be weak in some respects and while I know we all are. I have a really hard time accepting that I am not perfect. It has gotten better, but it is still an issue and something I will continue to work on.

I realize this post was probably nonsensical. It was an emotional one AND I did not post anything last week so I left I really need to throw something out there. I hope you enjoyed reading and maybe felt supported (that was my goal anyway). The general plan going forward is one longer post a week. Stay tuned for my spring break adventures!

I’ll see you on the flip side!

Emmy

Bald Spot is That You?

Why yes, yes, it is.

If anyone has ever go to school, which I’m sure many of you have there’s a point when stress is crippling. Well for me it’s tenfold worse in college. It doesn’t help that I procrastinate like a motha or that I’m a complete perfectionist. Heck I’m so high strung when it comes to school one of my professors went out of their way to write a note about how I’m too hard on myself! I’m of the belief that one cannot hold themselves to a high enough standard. Sadly, that belief has created havoc in many of the relationships in my life. However, that is alright cause it’s something I consciously recognize and that is the first step to breaking any bad habit or behavior. My need for perfection and incompetence when comes to managing my stress and anxiety has physically manifested in several ways.

Severe grinding of my teeth while I sleep (My dentist said to expect dentures at 40 if I don’t consistently wear my guard, which I don’t)
Neck pain and Stiffness (My chiropractor was so impressed with the amount of tension I had been holding in my neck he compared to a 45-year-old man)
the beginning of a bald patch a little bigger than a golf ball (This is something my mother lovely pointed out last week by saying, “Oh, that hair looks thin.”)

Of the three the bald spot is the one I find least tolerable. I’m 20! Now I know age isn’t a good reason to be upset lots of guys have severely receding hairlines at 20 or maybe a little earlier, but that’s just it! I am not a guy! Do you know the pressure of media culture to be the perfect *white* woman? That’s something that is completely unachievable for me for more important reasons (some of which may be discussed later). I have accepted I won’t fulfill that standard but I would like to keep my hair for longer than I’ve had it! A strange paradigm is created when you realize you are going bald and you believe the main culprit (there could be a million things) is stress. You stress more. You stress more about the fact your losing your hair because you stress too much. You start stressing about the ways you can destress so the stress won’t keep taking your mane. You stress more.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering (or maybe you’re not): Emmy, why do you stress so much? Well, there’s two main stressors in my life right at this very moment. The first as I’m sure you could guess is the more general exam, test, grade how do I keep this up for another semester stress. This is a stress I would deem a health stress; it keeps me socially and mentally stimulated. The second stress is the overarching plan of graduation how many credits? Where do those credits come from? Can I graduate now? What about in less than three years? Can I do everything I want to do? The answer to that last question is no. My initial college plan was a double major, a humanity and a hard science and university honors in three years max. That takes three and a half to four years not what I bargained for so after many tears I altered my plan to be a hard science, a minor, and university honors this is doable in two to two and a half years and I’ve decided to take that left over half a year and study abroad. So, secondary unhealthy stress solved! Right? I’m not sure yet. Perhaps it is and even if it’s not hopefully it’s a temporary relief that is enough to let my hair grow back.

If the grammar is terrible I won’t apologize. It’s spring break after all.

I’ll see you on the flip side!

Emmy

Faceless? That’s me!

Here I am responding to a three day old prompt, but how could I not? Faceless is me (if you add a few numbers)! When I started my exploration into the world wide web it was the name I gave myself. My base email at the time was faceless and is an email I actually still use frequently for newsletters. Every account connected to that email was faceless or twofaced. I chose the user with the intention of never showing my face online (twofaced was because I struggled with bipolar mood shifts). Of course, I did end up exposing my face at some point. However, the name stuck and it has grown on me like an overbearing fungus. When I see or hear it I think back quite a few years to when I was crawling and climbing my way through my turbulent teenage years, which included my very intoxicating, but strengthening relationship with the internet. It’s me, but it’s not. “Faceless” is just one of the faces I put on; along with many others, and there are plenty more faces still to come. via Daily Prompt: Faceless

I’ll see you on the flip side!

Emmy

And the Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me! First off don’t hit me to hard for taking the title from the generic starting post. It just seemed so perfect! I started this blog because I want to improve my writing. I also need to make money so I don’t have to live with crippling debt to get through college. I thought ‘hey! You know what would be great? Making money and writing!’ Freelance blogging can do both! However, I’ve never written a blog post (lies, I’ve written three as a guest writer). I need credibility! Starting my own blog seems like a great way to do that, and it’s free. I also have a lot of stress and anxiety about college with all the planning that accompanies it. So much so that I’ve gotten a bald spot from stressing, a future blog post don’t worry. I believe this blog will also be a great way to express and release some of this stress. Well this is what I am hoping anyway. So if you’re reading and thinking you’ll come back, great! If not don’t worry this is just my public dairy.

I’ll see you the flip side!

Emmy