TW: This post has mention of sexual assault, and just terrible internet behavior so read with caution.
Ah yes, naming calling the most productive way to try and shame those around you. My most recent bout occurred in forum I thought of as a “safe space.” The topic of discussion was sexual assault and harassment. Fun and lighthearted I know. In the discussion I brought up I am unsure of how to frame my assault. I personally do not consider it rape, but there are plenty of people who would. Upon expressing this, and explaining what occurred in my case I received this response: “oh yeh rape is fun. Dumb bitch go kill yourself.”
This comment lead to my immediate exit of the forum(I’ll never return, BYE FELICIA) and stirred quite a few emotions. While I sat on the bus on the verge of tears I got to thinking. You know, I’m way smarter than them. One day I’ll make more money than them. I have much more empathy than them. Jeez, so glad I have compassion for other human beings how could I love anyone if I did not? Could that person really love anyone with compassion and understanding? Could they have a fulfilling relationship?
I also starting thinking about what it must mean to be able to tell someone they should kill themselves. It takes a lot of gall that’s for sure, but it takes a huge lack in understanding, compassion and empathy. If you are able to suggest something so terrible something else is not adding up. Something is missing from the puzzle, whether that be experience, a general kindness or lack of knowledge I cannot say. However, I can say if you are unable to tell someone something that terrible you are 100% more woke than most of the human populous, and I have got mad respect for you. Same thing goes for if some dingbat on the internet or anywhere has told you you should kill yourself. Because recovering from that takes about twice as much gall as it takes to say it to someone.
You are awesome for doing it.
It is definitely not something I used to be able to do. When I was younger a comment like that would send me into a crying fit until 3:00 am at least. This also reopened for the bigger conversation surrounding this kind of violence. the kind that often affects the young and inexperienced much more often and severely than it affects other demographics. Time’s not up (I’ll get a lot of heat for saying that). I have never named a single harasser or abuser and there have been plenty. I also know I am not the only one. I am not the only whose scared to admit it happened. People who would rather shame than accept, are the reason I won’t verbalize it. I’m sure other women, men, and non-conformers have their own reasons, but there’s still the issue that some of us still feel silenced or scared to admit it happened. I know another personal issue for me is feeling weak. Because it happened I must be weak in some respects and while I know we all are. I have a really hard time accepting that I am not perfect. It has gotten better, but it is still an issue and something I will continue to work on.
I realize this post was probably nonsensical. It was an emotional one AND I did not post anything last week so I left I really need to throw something out there. I hope you enjoyed reading and maybe felt supported (that was my goal anyway). The general plan going forward is one longer post a week. Stay tuned for my spring break adventures!
I’ll see you on the flip side!